I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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