apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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