xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
