I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
