and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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