Your tits are I can't wait for
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
