my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
