Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize