DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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