he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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