If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
