i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
