Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
