So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
