I think I died a long time ago.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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