..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
