She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You've changed since you got that strap on
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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