i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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