Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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