I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
