Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
