I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
