It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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