Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
