Your face is a jimmy john
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
