Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
