I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
