What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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