Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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