Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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