John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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