I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
