In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?