dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?