When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He better not be in your backpack
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
