Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
