didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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