i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
