So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
