I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize