I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
