Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
