Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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