I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
