yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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