I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
