I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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