At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
