He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
