he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
