I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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