So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
