I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
