I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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