nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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