No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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