if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
