But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
