I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
