you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
