he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
