You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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